Mom: So, I've been thinking, and you just can't wear green shoes with your wedding dress.
Me: I know. You told me that as soon as I mentioned it.
Mom: It's just not going to look good. Tell you what we can do- your dress has rhinestones on it, right?
Mom: It has something though, right?
Me: Yes. It has tiny glass beads around the waist.
Mom: Okay, so what we can do is go to the craft store and buy some green beads, and then attach a few of those to your shoes.
Me: I can buy shoes with green beads. I saw some yesterday.
Mom: Yeah, but we can just add them and it'll be easier.
Me: No it won't. Buying shoes with beads is one step. Bam. Beaded shoes. Your plan involves a craft store. Not easier.
Mom: Yeah, but you haven't heard my whole plan! Have you thought about how you're doing your hair?
Me: I figure it'll be hot in August, so....up.
Mom: Okay, so I have one of Granny's old combs that's decorated with rhinestones. What we can do is pop the rhinestones out and put in the green beads that we get at the craft store!
Me: I'm not going to let you deface some family heirloom with craft-store beads.
Mom: No, it's okay! I think we can just pop the rhinestones back in when we're done.
Me: You can't just "pop" things in and out of 90-year-old antiques.
Mom: I think you can.
My mother is the little-engine-that-could of bad ideas.