The SKP

My parents' house is located down the street from an assisted living/nursing home for mentally challenged elderly people. I'm not really sure whether they've always been challenged, or they're Alzheimer's patients, or what. I just know that we drive past every day and there's always at least one guy in a helmet sitting in a rocking chair on the porch waving at every car that goes by. We've always waved back because my mother used to work at a nursing home and loves old people.

She made me volunteer at the nursing home when I was a kid...in retrospect I'm sure it made me a better person and all that jazz...really it just helped me develop mad domino skillz. Also, I was suckered by some diabetic octogenarian into giving him a deadly batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies and spent certain days forcibly removing bacon from one guy's socks. Good times. Anyway, that's not the point of the post. The point is that my sister Jo called me the other day.

Jo: "They're building a fence around the nursing home."
Me: "Why?"
Jo: "Probably for the SKPs."
Me: "Huh?"
Jo: "Didn't you hear what happened? We came home from school one day and there was some old guy out on the porch just sitting in a chair. With a blanket. And one shoe. We went in the house while Daddy talked to him.
Dad: "How are you today, sir?"
Old Guy: "Doin' juuuuust fine."
Dad: "You okay out here by yourself?"
Old Guy: "Doin' juuuuust fine."
Dad: "Okay."
So Dad came in the house and told Mom there was some old dude out on our porch and that she should probably go take care of him. Mom went out to talk to him.
Mom: "How are you doing?"
Old Guy: "Doin' juuuuuust fine."
Mom: "Can I get you anything?"
Old Guy: "I sure would like some biscuits and coffee."
Mom: "Okay, come in the house."
So Mom brought him in and he drank 3 cups of coffee and ate 2 biscuits! Then Mom called the nursing home to come get him."
Me: "Wow."
Jo: "Yeah, they must not be feeding them down there, cause he was really hungry! And now they're building a fence so there won't be any more SKPs."
Me: "SKPs? What the heck is a...escapees. It's pronounced "escapees", Jo."
Jo: "Whatever you call them, soon they're gonna have to start tunneling out for biscuits."

Only my family. Psychos.