Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Little Miss Sunshine

I think my bluebird of happiness died. Seriously, I don't know what it is lately (yes I do) but I am totally miserable. Which is unusual for me. It doesn't take much to make me happy, but I think what little it does is lacking. Something has to be done. Luckily, I'm going home for a visit at the end of the month, so I have something to look forward to. Right now though, I'm wallowing through in "everything sucks" mode. And here's why:

1. Work. Work, work, a thousand times work. Which is perhaps the biggest blow to my happiness, because I have always taken a great deal of pride in what I do and how well I do it. My job is important, I'm good at it, and it helps people. Makes it possible to pull 24 hour shifts without committing suicide. When I was offered the position up here, everything was all "Oh, you have experience, you'll be off orientation in no time, blah blah blah." Lately it's been more, "This person thinks you should do this many things to be up to *our* standards" and then after I've completed those things, the rug is promptly pulled from beneath my feet and I'm starting again at ground zero. It's frustrating to say the least. It's going to make me tear my hair out. My big problem is that I don't see that big of a difference between what goes on up here and what went on at my old place of employ. I can do this job, I was hired to do this job, please for the love of God let me do my job and be happy. Also not on call every freaking weekend. I honestly have like a million more things to say about work, but I'll try and curtail it. Let's move on, shall we?
2. Home. My house is frigid. Like 12 degrees colder than outside. I wake up and need to go outdoors to warm up. It's kind of ridiculous. Also, my landlady is currently having the house painted. Toward that end, there is a man outside at this very minute pressure-washing the entire exterior of the house. Fine. What is not fine is being too lazy to move my two jack-o-lanterns and package from Amazon off the patio before you commence with the high pressure beam of ice water. Everything soaked. Pumpkins on the ground, saturated- those will be nice and easy to light tonight I'm sure. Halloween decorations on the door completely soaked. Cardboard of the Amazon box nice and and soggy. Way to be a total jackass, house painter guy.
3. People. I miss my friends. I miss my coworkers (who incidentally, were my friends.) I miss having lunch with someone other than my television and microwave. I miss going to the movies and eating ridiculous amounts of smuggled food out of C's Mary-Poppins-esque purse. I miss P randomly showing up at my apartment for a nap and I miss nights at the Phoenix.
4. Illness. I've been sick for a week now (thanks Mom.) Hacking my lungs out, choking on air, medicating to the point of having to Google "acetaminophen overdose", and otherwise feeling blah. (FYI, more than 4000 mg of tylenol in a day is bad news for your liver...says the girl who was at 3700 when she figured this out.)
5. It's cold. Did I mention I'm cold? Cause I am.

Anyways, I'm sure everything will get better. My Dad just sent me I swear to God 18 lbs of chocolate, so things are looking up already. I just can't wait to see everybody at the end of the month. Also, we're going to eat non-stop, because I can't narrow down which restaurants I miss the most. Prepare yourselves. :)

5 comments:

Carolyn said...

Aw, girl, we miss you too! Feel better!!!

Donny said...

Moving to a new city is tough. Hang in there. It'll turn around.

craziasian said...

it's true, i felt like that when i first moved to philly. now i have friends who like to wear girls clothings and who will leave work at 4 PM to drink with you. it gets better.

mance01 said...

I know it will. Everything will get better when work straightens out I think. Thanks for the encouragement though :)

Miss Lindsay Mak said...

Sam, I'm in the same boat right now too. New cities are really hard. Keep your head up, you'll get through it. And if you want to meet new people faster than your current pace try Boston Ski and Sport Clubs - you can join a dodgeball team or something similar and meet other people.

Also, part of your general miserable might be due to your first Northern autumn. My boyfriend gets slightly depressed when it gets darker earlier and there's a bite in the air.

Lastly, re: heat. If you can't control the heat but electricity is included in your bill go out and get you some oil-filled space heaters. They saved my and Felecia's lives last winter.