"Hello, you've reached the some transplant center in Canada. Our office hours are from 8 AM until 6 PM Monday through Friday. Please leave a message and someone will respond to your call during office hours. If this this an emergency, press 2."
*2*
"That is an invalid option. Our office hours are from 8 AM until 6 PM Monday through Friday. Please leave a message and someone will respond to your call during office hours. If this this an emergency, press 2."
*2*
"That is an invalid option. Our office hours are from 8 AM until 6 PM Monday through Friday. Please leave a message and someone will respond to your call during office hours. If this this an emergency, press 2."
*2*
"That is an invalid option...."
OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY!!
So, at 3 AM, I composed a short note to Canada.
Dear Canada,
I hate you. I hate that you don't have a national computer database for transplant patients, because it means I have to call and speak to people on the phone giving the same information over and over at the speed of snail drool because half of what I say doesn't make it through the translation anyway. I hate your menu options in French because let me tell you, after 24 hours, I start believing that I understand it and that just makes everything worse. Also half your menu options are invalid. WTF? I'm glad my liver wasn't exploding or something. Geez.
I hate the people that answer the phone and attempt to speak English to me- I don't know how to say alkaline phosphatase in French, and they don't know how to say it in English, and in the end I have to spell alkaline phosphatase, and at this point in the morning I can barely spell my own name. Also why the hell do you need liver numbers when I'm offering you a heart! (Probably because you have no idea what alk phos is.)
But most of all, I hate you for making me use a calling card after being awake for 24 hours and 3 cups of coffee. Do you have any idea how many times I had to hang up and start again? Dialing 34 digits consecutively is a bit of a challenge when looking at the phone makes you dizzy. How about investing in a little bit of technology?
And an English-French medical dictionary.
Just to reiterate-I hate you,
Sam
Friday, November 23, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Disoriented
You know what's great?
Getting dressed at 5:30 AM after about 4 hours of sleep to go on *yet another* frikkin' case.
You know what's better?
Realizing at 4 PM when you finally get home that you've had your panties on inside-out all day.
I hate orientation.
Getting dressed at 5:30 AM after about 4 hours of sleep to go on *yet another* frikkin' case.
You know what's better?
Realizing at 4 PM when you finally get home that you've had your panties on inside-out all day.
I hate orientation.
Roadhouse
We went to the Texas Roadhouse for Tom's Dad's birthday last week. As soon as we got the menu, everyone turned to me and realized that they'd brought a vegetarian to a steakhouse.
So, the waitress comes by and gets everyone's order.
Tom's Dad: "Steak."
Tom's Mom: "Hamburger."
Tom's Brother-in-law: "Steak."
Tom's Sister: "Steak."
Tom: "Steak tips."
Me: "I'll have the country veg plate- with the mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables, sweet potato..."
Waitress: "Sorry, are you a vegetarian?"
Me: "Yes."
Waitress: "Okay, the mashed potatoes are made with chicken stock, the green beans are cooked with bacon, and the sweet potato is rolled in pork fat."
My jaw is on the floor.
Waitress: "If you're a vegetarian, your choices are apple sauce, french fries, mixed vegetables, and macaroni and cheese."
Me: "Um. Okay. I guess I'll have those except the apple sauce."
Waitress: "Okay."
The sweet potato is rolled in pork fat. The salad's probably tossed with meat gravy. Stupid steakhouses.
So, the waitress comes by and gets everyone's order.
Tom's Dad: "Steak."
Tom's Mom: "Hamburger."
Tom's Brother-in-law: "Steak."
Tom's Sister: "Steak."
Tom: "Steak tips."
Me: "I'll have the country veg plate- with the mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables, sweet potato..."
Waitress: "Sorry, are you a vegetarian?"
Me: "Yes."
Waitress: "Okay, the mashed potatoes are made with chicken stock, the green beans are cooked with bacon, and the sweet potato is rolled in pork fat."
My jaw is on the floor.
Waitress: "If you're a vegetarian, your choices are apple sauce, french fries, mixed vegetables, and macaroni and cheese."
Me: "Um. Okay. I guess I'll have those except the apple sauce."
Waitress: "Okay."
The sweet potato is rolled in pork fat. The salad's probably tossed with meat gravy. Stupid steakhouses.
DNR
Can I just tell you how tired I am of working at this point? I've been on orientation for almost 4 months now. 4 months with about 20 call days a month rather than the 9 I'll be required to do after orientation. 9 days. The rest of the time, I won't have to worry about when I should go buy groceries, what days I'm least likely to be paged out of a movie, or when I'll be able to do laundry without getting paged while clothes are in the washer. I had this checklist I had to get signed off. Yesterday I worked 24 hours straight and did two consecutive cases. Everything is checked off.
I'm coming off orientation. Or I'm going to die.
I'm coming off orientation. Or I'm going to die.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Sensational
Last night on a teaser for the 10 o'clock news:
"The lowest temperatures in 7 months! We'll fill you in tonight at 10."
For a second I thought, "This is it. This is how I die."
And then I realized. 7 months ago was April. Of course this is the coldest weather in 7 months- it's almost winter! 7 months ago was spring! Ridiculous.
They're forecasting snow this weekend. So, I'm probably going to die.
Nice knowin' ya. :)
"The lowest temperatures in 7 months! We'll fill you in tonight at 10."
For a second I thought, "This is it. This is how I die."
And then I realized. 7 months ago was April. Of course this is the coldest weather in 7 months- it's almost winter! 7 months ago was spring! Ridiculous.
They're forecasting snow this weekend. So, I'm probably going to die.
Nice knowin' ya. :)
Monday, November 5, 2007
Ch-ch-ch-changes
Today I was cleaning my kitchen, looked down, and said:
"Oh my God, those baseboards are disgusting!"
And cleaned them. This is disturbing for the following reasons:
1. I noticed a baseboard.
2. I cleaned it without being asked to.
3. I felt better afterwards.
It's official- I've become my mother.
"Oh my God, those baseboards are disgusting!"
And cleaned them. This is disturbing for the following reasons:
1. I noticed a baseboard.
2. I cleaned it without being asked to.
3. I felt better afterwards.
It's official- I've become my mother.
Thinking
Calling your charitable organization "Hits for Kids" already made me do a double take.
Calling your event "Crackin' It Up" really just makes me start to think you're doing it on purpose.
I worry that if you didn't know the context, you might think that Kevin Youkilis has a charitable organization dedicated to providing kids with cocaine.
*Disclaimer: I totally love Kevin Youkilis- he's awesome. I just think it's funny that his charity could raise some DEA suspicion.
**If I had any money, I would go to this event. His last event was the dating game with Red Sox players and their wives and was scripted by Seth Myers from SNL. I bet it was a blast.
***The link for tickets is above, but cocaine is probably cheaper.
Calling your event "Crackin' It Up" really just makes me start to think you're doing it on purpose.I worry that if you didn't know the context, you might think that Kevin Youkilis has a charitable organization dedicated to providing kids with cocaine.*Disclaimer: I totally love Kevin Youkilis- he's awesome. I just think it's funny that his charity could raise some DEA suspicion.
**If I had any money, I would go to this event. His last event was the dating game with Red Sox players and their wives and was scripted by Seth Myers from SNL. I bet it was a blast.
***The link for tickets is above, but cocaine is probably cheaper.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Raving Rabbids
I'm not much of a videogamer. I lack the patience to master the various gaming systems and lack the will to try more than once after failing to win a game. I really enjoy MarioKart because it's short and really difficult to lose. That's the extent of my gaming expertise: not losing at MarioKart. However, there is now a Wii at my house and it's kind of fun. Kind of a lot of fun.
The other day Tom purchased Rayman's Raving Rabbids. A game I've wanted since watching the commercials and realizing that it centered around cartoony rabbits that dance. The game arrived yesterday and it does not disappoint.
It's hilarious. The rabbits randomly run, scream, dance, and shoot at you with plungers. It's basically a bunch of mini-games, which is nice for my short attention span. So far I've shot multiple bunnies with plungers, pulled worms from a bunny's teeth (eew), thrown a bunny dressed in a superhero costume as far as was humanly possible, and danced to hiphop, disco, and "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." If you have a Wii, you should get this game. For this, if nothing else:
The other day Tom purchased Rayman's Raving Rabbids. A game I've wanted since watching the commercials and realizing that it centered around cartoony rabbits that dance. The game arrived yesterday and it does not disappoint.
It's hilarious. The rabbits randomly run, scream, dance, and shoot at you with plungers. It's basically a bunch of mini-games, which is nice for my short attention span. So far I've shot multiple bunnies with plungers, pulled worms from a bunny's teeth (eew), thrown a bunny dressed in a superhero costume as far as was humanly possible, and danced to hiphop, disco, and "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." If you have a Wii, you should get this game. For this, if nothing else:
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