Bulldog

Today I was at lunch with a coworker and learned that the "bulldog" clamps we use when pumping kidneys are actually called "Cho Clamps" in honor of their inventor, a transplant surgeon here in New England. Which really got me thinking...I should invent a piece of surgical equipment. I've had this thought before...anything you use in an operating room automatically costs a bazillion dollars. And I could really use a piece of a bazillion dollars. The problem is, I'm lazy. And poor. I certainly don't have the desire to expend the effort necessary to invent something. And I can't afford to build a prototype even if by some miracle of God I did spend an afternoon doing something other than napping on my couch to the sounds of M*A*S*H.

Soo, I figure what I need to do is improve an existing piece of equipment. Take the Cho clamp for example. I make the exact same clamp out of some other material...perhaps make it less of a pain in the ass to squeeze open...and voila! Show me the money. The problem is, I'm also too lazy for this approach. Still involves designing something...perhaps some welding...not gonna happen. How does anyone ever muster the energy to invent anything?! I think you'd have to be on some super diet and sleeping regimen. Which made me think, how does anything get invented in third world countries? If I ate rice all the time, I'd probably sleep even more than I do. Actually, I do eat rice all the time...I'd probably sleep about the same. Minus the time that I eat Ramen noodles...but you get the idea. Anyway, the thought of developing countries developing surgical instruments (you're wondering how we got here, aren't you? Don't worry...me too) made me realize exactly what I'd need to do.

I have to find a piece of surgical equipment that was invented by a terrorist. Or someone French. Then I will "invent" the exact same piece of equipment, rename it (I'm thinking "Freedom Clamps"), sell it for maybe 5% less than the original-just to get everyone on board. And then I will spend my afternoons swimming in my money bin.


Just kidding... I'll probably just nap on a pile of freshly laundered $100 bills.