My Day Sucked, How Was Yours?

I am SO OVER the following entities:

1. My dermatologist
2. T-Mobile
3. Ikea

I had a dermatology appointment this morning. The appointment was made for 2 weeks after my original appointment as my doctor said she would be gone on vacation during the intervening week. Fine. 2 weeks later. I wake up far earlier than my norm in order to be presentable at 9 AM. Make it to the appointment early- cause that's how I roll, sign in and sit down. At this point, I can hear the receptionists loudly talking. Why can't I talk on my cell phone in the waiting room if the alternative is to listen to you harpies moaning about your kids?

Oh, and here's another quick question- if you're a receptionist maybe you can help me out. Why do you have those little glass windows around your area? To preserve the privacy of patients while you're gossiping about them? Okay, fine. HOW ABOUT CLOSING THE WINDOWS BEFORE YOU DO IT?? They're talking literally 2 feet away from me, full volume, do you think I can't hear you because I'm not facing you? Mistake folks. Anyway, they discussed the fact that my appointment had been made in error for a good 5 minutes before calling me over. My favorite part is that no one wanted to take the blame for making the error. "It was two weeks ago! Any of us could've made that appointment! Who didn't know the doctor would be on vacation?" Fascinatingly the woman making these observations was familiar. I'd met her two weeks ago when she'd made my appointment. I made sure to point this out to her. Jerkface. Had to reschedule for next week- you know, when the doctor's not tanning in Jamaica.

So, I wasted valuable time I could've spent sleeping by going to my non-existent appointment. But I had lots of other things to do and thought I'd just take advantage of the early start on the day. Yesterday my phone's SIM card started doing crazy things and by the end of the evening wasn't being recognized at all. So I called T-Mobile, did the IT walk-through which included restarting phone, removing and replacing batteries, and receiving a detailed weather report from the Texas-based technician. Total ditz. But whatever. In the end she figured out she couldn't help me and transferred me to someone who realized from the "SIM card registration failure" error message that perhaps I needed a new SIM card. He instructed me to head into a T-Mobile store today to receive a new SIM card for free. "Do I need a confirmation number or something so I don't have to go through all this again?" "No, it'll all be saved under your phone number." Awesome.

So, I have to sit in the T-Mobile parking lot for 30 minutes waiting for them to open since I'm there hella early (thanks again doc.) Finally get in, tell the guy the problem, he takes out the battery, puts it back in and magically it's working. I tell him that I've gotten it to work too, but that it doesn't last. It keeps breaking. He says that since it's working in front of him right now, he can't give me a new one. Awesome.

Guess I'll just go do my next errand while waiting for my SIM card to go up in a puff of smoke and stop by the store again on my way home. About halfway to my next destination, boom. Phone's out again. No SIM card, no service, no f-ing way I'm putting up with this any longer. I spot a T-Mobile store on the way to Ikea. Stop in. Wait in line for I kid you not 30 minutes. Behind some guy who smelled like a compost heap. I mean, I don't like showering right now when it's so freaking cold out either, but suck it up for the common good buddy. Finally make it to the front and of course I get some punk kid who looks like he just woke up with a hangover. Explain my problem, he says that my phone's gotten wet and will never work correctly again regardless of SIM situation. I say fine, my phone's a piece of crap anyway, what kind of deal can you give me on a new one?

Turns out that my father's name is primary on the account (because he started the account so I wouldn't have to put a $500 deposit down) therefore I cannot make any decisions for the account nor can I take advantage of any discounts offered to the account holder. "Even if I have the last 4 digits of his social?" "nope." "Even if I get him on the phone to talk to you?" "Ma'am, I don't care if you have your father's head in a basket. If he's not physically present, I can't give you the discount." Awesome. The guy decides that he'll give me a new SIM card, but he won't activate it. It's like giving someone a box of chocolate cake mix, the promise is there but it is pretty much worthless at this point in the day. (Although at that point I'm pretty sure I would've huffed powdered cake mix.) He hands me my phone back in pieces and tells me to have a nice day. At this point I've gone from wanting to throw my phone against a wall to wanting to shove it halfway down this kid's throat and watch his bloodshot eyes bug out of his head.

But I will carry-on because I am a bigger person. I take my cell phone chunks, stuff them in my purse and head to Ikea. I should've known this was a mistake. I should've known that when you're having a frustrating day, heading to a giant warehouse looking for things written in Nordic languages is a bad idea. Instead I head directly for the boxes cause I know exactly what I want and the only things I want. I don't want to shop. I want to buy two dining room chairs to bring my total to four. Because at this point when Tom's family comes over for dinner Saturday night half of them are going to be squatting on cushions on the floor, and that's probably not the best situation for people eating enchiladas.

I have a receipt for the last time I bought the chairs, I have the SKU number, color, style, everything. Head right for the place, and you can't differentiate the colors by the boxes. I take a look in two boxes that have already been opened. Neither are the right color. I spend 10 minutes wandering the cavernous isles looking for someone in an Ikea outfit. Either no one works here, or the Ikea uniform is suitable for covert ops.

I finally find some tiny little dude who takes me to the computer, shows me exactly what I'm looking for, and tells me where to find them. I tell him I've been there and they're the wrong color. He looks, agrees they're the wrong color, and suggests I go upstairs to the showroom and confirm they're still available. Why he can find it on the computer and not count that as confirmation is beyond me. But I am a nice person and I will persevere. I go upstairs, immediately find my chairs, confirm they are supposed to be in bin 21 or whatever and head back downstairs. He's gone. I find a new guy who does the same computer check, I once again say that YES THAT IS WHAT I WANT NOW FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE GET IT FOR ME and we head back to the chairs and just start opening boxes. Turns out that sometimes Ikea forgets to stain their chairs. They're labeled that they're stained, but they're really not. They're just not.

So I came home and incorrectly assembled one of the chairs, discovered the new SIM card doesn't work even when activated, and now I'm sitting on the couch drinking vodka in the afternoon. Because that's what today did to me.