Why does Slate Magazine suck now? Slate used to have articles about everything- current events, health, movies, shopping, you name it. Now they have categories for everything, but not necessarily articles. A lot of what I loved about Slate has been mangled into what I assume they think is a "hipper" online magazine.
Now instead of launching right into political commentary, I get to try to close down a full-page pop-up ad for a new American Express card. When I'm trying to surreptitiously read a movie review at work, I'm instead greeted with a video window that won't play on my computer. And I haven't seen an article by Seth Stevenson in forever. (This is probably unrelated to the redesign but dude? He was hilarious. Where did he go?)
Then today I saw this and wondered: is this the way of the future for Slate? Because:
1. This isn't funny.
2. This isn't smart.
3. I want my money back. (And the fact that I didn't pay is beside the point. I deserve reparations for having sat through this. Particularly the chase-scene. If you think you could call it that.)
Bring back Slate! If I'm online to read something, I want to read it! If I'm looking for something funny to watch, I'll search for "baby evil eye" on YouTube.
(Also, make Dear Prudence a column again instead of a stupid video feature. It's like Jerry Springer for the literate.)
Monday, January 28, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
A Bug's Life
It really must suck to be an ant. First off, you're an ant. Pretty much everything wants to eat you...or kill you just for existing. Then, you have members of lesser kingdoms trying to take over your body. Harrowing.
Por ejemplo, take cordyceps. It's a fungus! Completely incapable of higher thought. And yet, it can infect the brain of an ant and basically take over its body for its own purposes.
FYI- cordyceps can also infect all kinds of other insects including katydids and caterpillars. I wonder if a human inhaled enough of the spores whether that would have any significant effect on our central nervous system. (Probably not...but if there were enough evolutionary pressure to find a new environment?....hint hint save the rain forests so the bugs can continue to appease the fungus.)
Case 2: A newly discovered nematode causes the abdomen of infected ants to turn red. Why? So they'll look like fruit and become easier for predators to spot, consume, and consequently spread the parasite all over the place.
How creepy is this?!? I'm really not cool with these lower organisms evolving such elegant solutions for the furthering of their species.
It's too bad we haven't come up with anything that impressive to combat the oil crisis, obesity epidemic, or global warming. Hell, we need some kind of parasite to convince half the population these problems even exist.
It's probably easier being an ant.
Por ejemplo, take cordyceps. It's a fungus! Completely incapable of higher thought. And yet, it can infect the brain of an ant and basically take over its body for its own purposes.
FYI- cordyceps can also infect all kinds of other insects including katydids and caterpillars. I wonder if a human inhaled enough of the spores whether that would have any significant effect on our central nervous system. (Probably not...but if there were enough evolutionary pressure to find a new environment?....hint hint save the rain forests so the bugs can continue to appease the fungus.)
Case 2: A newly discovered nematode causes the abdomen of infected ants to turn red. Why? So they'll look like fruit and become easier for predators to spot, consume, and consequently spread the parasite all over the place.
How creepy is this?!? I'm really not cool with these lower organisms evolving such elegant solutions for the furthering of their species.It's too bad we haven't come up with anything that impressive to combat the oil crisis, obesity epidemic, or global warming. Hell, we need some kind of parasite to convince half the population these problems even exist.
It's probably easier being an ant.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Comments Welcome
Remember when people used to comment on blogs? You'd have the post, and then you'd have a whole conversation to keep up with in the comments. Particularly when someone had blogged something especially nerdy or controversial. It was fun to gang up on the person and make fun of them! And if it was your blog post, it was fun to know that people were reading and took the time to make fun of you. It was affectionate. And interesting. And I miss it.
Therefore, my New Year's Resolution (because why not) is to comment again. Yes with the advent of RSS readers it is monumentally easier not to go to your individual blogs and sign in and comment- but nertz to that. I like you guys. So, if you're on my list of blogs to read, expect to be hearing from me. If you don't hear from me, it's a safe bet that I'm not reading your blog and you should probably drop me a line with your URL. Because who doesn't love comments? Nobody. That's who.
Viva la Revolucion!
Therefore, my New Year's Resolution (because why not) is to comment again. Yes with the advent of RSS readers it is monumentally easier not to go to your individual blogs and sign in and comment- but nertz to that. I like you guys. So, if you're on my list of blogs to read, expect to be hearing from me. If you don't hear from me, it's a safe bet that I'm not reading your blog and you should probably drop me a line with your URL. Because who doesn't love comments? Nobody. That's who.
Viva la Revolucion!
Freedom!
I am officially off orientation. Thank GOD. This means that rather than anxiously awaiting a phone call every single day, I can now look forward to only receiving those calls 9 days a month. Which means that I now have a significant amount of free time. So, today I left the house for something other than work or groceries. (Actually, it was just errands, but it was still better than sitting in my apartment.) So, some observations from the day:
1. It is ridiculous that you can inhale secondhand smoke while driving 70 mph. It's so disgusting to think that all of a sudden you're inhaling chemicals someone else has already EXHALED. Eeew. Cars of smokers should have some sort of negative pressure system.
2. It's really flippin' cold here. I mean, I knew it was cold outside, but I leave my house so infrequently that it hasn't been a huge deal. It's 33 degrees out now (warmer than it has been) and the weather guy is saying temperatures will be dropping at the end of the week. WHY?? The stores in the mall are putting out swimsuits. It's making me sad.
3. I went shopping. By myself. I wanted to eat lunch at a restaurant so I wouldn't be at home eating leftover lasagne by myself for the 3rd day in a row. (And lunch by myself for the...how many days have I been living here?...time in a row.) But I don't know anyone who isn't at work all day or in Alabama, so I decided to stop for takeout. I was craving sushi but it's too cold to take the T into the city, so I decided to try the tiny little sushi place near my house. Bad. Idea. I had to email Tom at work.
So, I'm back at home and I'm going to read a book. While hugging my space heater. And possibly later a bucket because seriously the sushi was such a bad idea. laters.
1. It is ridiculous that you can inhale secondhand smoke while driving 70 mph. It's so disgusting to think that all of a sudden you're inhaling chemicals someone else has already EXHALED. Eeew. Cars of smokers should have some sort of negative pressure system.
2. It's really flippin' cold here. I mean, I knew it was cold outside, but I leave my house so infrequently that it hasn't been a huge deal. It's 33 degrees out now (warmer than it has been) and the weather guy is saying temperatures will be dropping at the end of the week. WHY?? The stores in the mall are putting out swimsuits. It's making me sad.
3. I went shopping. By myself. I wanted to eat lunch at a restaurant so I wouldn't be at home eating leftover lasagne by myself for the 3rd day in a row. (And lunch by myself for the...how many days have I been living here?...time in a row.) But I don't know anyone who isn't at work all day or in Alabama, so I decided to stop for takeout. I was craving sushi but it's too cold to take the T into the city, so I decided to try the tiny little sushi place near my house. Bad. Idea. I had to email Tom at work.
"If you find me dead tonight, it's because I ate at Sushi Corner. Just to let you know."4. No one can replace my watch battery. I went to 3 different jewelry stores, and they all said they'd have to send it out. The result of which would probably be at least 2 weeks without my watch, and about $30 to get it back. Not cool. Especially considering I took it to the Kay Jewelers in the mall in Alabama and for $10 and 5 minutes, I had a new battery. Kay Jewelers up here? "I'll have to send it out." Argh.
So, I'm back at home and I'm going to read a book. While hugging my space heater. And possibly later a bucket because seriously the sushi was such a bad idea. laters.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Trivial Pursuit
Those of us that were left played Trivial Pursuit on the last day of MilONYE.
Q: What star of "There's Something About Mary" was taught to swim by the Pips?
Are things really that bad for the Pips? They did have that Velveeta shells 'n cheese commercial- surely they haven't burned through their preservative-laden cheese-product funds yet. Do they have a flier on the bulletin board at the Hollywood Y? And why would the director hire the Pips to teach someone to swim? Who swam in that movie? Couldn't they get a stuntman? How many Pips does it take to teach someone to swim? Aren't there superfluous Pips in this equation? Where the hell is Gladys?!?
A: Ben Stiller.
This still doesn't make any sense.
Time to Google.
Ooooh. It was when he was a kid.That makes a lot more sense.
Q: What star of "There's Something About Mary" was taught to swim by the Pips?
Are things really that bad for the Pips? They did have that Velveeta shells 'n cheese commercial- surely they haven't burned through their preservative-laden cheese-product funds yet. Do they have a flier on the bulletin board at the Hollywood Y? And why would the director hire the Pips to teach someone to swim? Who swam in that movie? Couldn't they get a stuntman? How many Pips does it take to teach someone to swim? Aren't there superfluous Pips in this equation? Where the hell is Gladys?!?A: Ben Stiller.
This still doesn't make any sense.
Time to Google.
Ooooh. It was when he was a kid.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
The Oregon Trail
When I was in elementary school we went to the computer lab once a week. I'm not sure how long computer lab was- I had very little grasp of space and time when I was 8 years old- but I remember how awesome it was. You would go to the computer lab with some stupid assignment- type a letter to someone, or type a story, or choose the right answers on some stupid multiple choice quiz- and when you were done, you could choose a game to play while everyone else finished. The only problem was that the computer lab only had a limited number of floppy disks containing "The Oregon Trail."
4 in fact. 4 children of the roughly 25 in the class would have the opportunity to play "The Oregon Trail." Everyone else would be relegated to MathBlaster or something similarly lame and educational. I'm pretty sure the only things Oregon Trail ever taught me were:
4 in fact. 4 children of the roughly 25 in the class would have the opportunity to play "The Oregon Trail." Everyone else would be relegated to MathBlaster or something similarly lame and educational. I'm pretty sure the only things Oregon Trail ever taught me were:
1. It pays to do things quickly.
and
2. Cholera totally blows.
and
2. Cholera totally blows.
These facts have actually proven themselves through the course of my existence and education. You don't get to take naps at school unless you're an unusually fast test-taker (in which case your teachers encourage you to nap or go get a soda or something- this may only be in Alabama) and everything that I learned in public health points to the fact that yes- cholera really isn't pleasant.
So, when someone invited me to join their wagontrail on Facebook I thought- sweet! Oregon Trail! And I immediately signed on for the journey. But this isn't your 1989 floppy disk black and white version. It's all in color, and the oxen have faces....it's so not cool. I didn't even get to buy my own supplies for the trip.
When I was a kid, I *sucked* at Oregon Trail. It never failed that I would initially purchase nothing of any consequence for survival, the majority of my caravan would succumb to cholera, and the rest would die of starvation because when I was at the store I was saying things like "Seeds? What am I, a farmer? Hells no. I'm a pioneer." I didn't really understand that a pioneer *was* a farmer and not just some dude trying to make it to LA.
So, now I'm playing the modern version and I'm starting to realize the futility of the game. Up until now my wagon had been healthy and I'd just kept pressing on, occasionally hunting (which is monumentally easier with a mouse than it was with arrows and the space bar), and resting up. It's been kind of boring. All of a sudden I get the message that someone "Desperately Needs Water." I have 300 pounds of food, 28 rounds of ammunition and 800 bucks...but nary a drop to drink. In fact, there's no record of the water. So, I figure I can't do anything and continue on. We come to a river crossing and I assume that he'll stick his face in the water and we'll be set. I have no option to toss him in myself, so I just move through the river and continue on. Guess what? He's still dying of thirst. I've decided that if he crosses the Rio Grande and is too stupid to take a sip, it's not going to be a huge loss on my part. Mysteriously he recovers on his own 30 miles down the road.
So, I have full health and the weather changes every 15 miles from "snow" to "sweltering" to "hail" and I wonder how we haven't died in a tornado by now. All of a sudden, someone has cholera. I start having flashbacks.
I'm going to be proactive. Have to avoid wagon epidemic. The question rapidly becomes, what do I do with her? Chances are she's going to pass it to someone else. So, I'd like to off her, or dump her in the woods. The only option the stupid modern-day game gives me is to eat her. First of all- eew. Second of all- really eew. Chick has cholera- why the heck would I want to eat her? Third- eating someone really opens the door for a whole host of new health problems. Like Kuru. Which basically turns your brain into a sponge.
This new Oregon Trail game really sucks.
So, when someone invited me to join their wagontrail on Facebook I thought- sweet! Oregon Trail! And I immediately signed on for the journey. But this isn't your 1989 floppy disk black and white version. It's all in color, and the oxen have faces....it's so not cool. I didn't even get to buy my own supplies for the trip.
When I was a kid, I *sucked* at Oregon Trail. It never failed that I would initially purchase nothing of any consequence for survival, the majority of my caravan would succumb to cholera, and the rest would die of starvation because when I was at the store I was saying things like "Seeds? What am I, a farmer? Hells no. I'm a pioneer." I didn't really understand that a pioneer *was* a farmer and not just some dude trying to make it to LA.
So, now I'm playing the modern version and I'm starting to realize the futility of the game. Up until now my wagon had been healthy and I'd just kept pressing on, occasionally hunting (which is monumentally easier with a mouse than it was with arrows and the space bar), and resting up. It's been kind of boring. All of a sudden I get the message that someone "Desperately Needs Water." I have 300 pounds of food, 28 rounds of ammunition and 800 bucks...but nary a drop to drink. In fact, there's no record of the water. So, I figure I can't do anything and continue on. We come to a river crossing and I assume that he'll stick his face in the water and we'll be set. I have no option to toss him in myself, so I just move through the river and continue on. Guess what? He's still dying of thirst. I've decided that if he crosses the Rio Grande and is too stupid to take a sip, it's not going to be a huge loss on my part. Mysteriously he recovers on his own 30 miles down the road.
So, I have full health and the weather changes every 15 miles from "snow" to "sweltering" to "hail" and I wonder how we haven't died in a tornado by now. All of a sudden, someone has cholera. I start having flashbacks.
I'm going to be proactive. Have to avoid wagon epidemic. The question rapidly becomes, what do I do with her? Chances are she's going to pass it to someone else. So, I'd like to off her, or dump her in the woods. The only option the stupid modern-day game gives me is to eat her. First of all- eew. Second of all- really eew. Chick has cholera- why the heck would I want to eat her? Third- eating someone really opens the door for a whole host of new health problems. Like Kuru. Which basically turns your brain into a sponge.
This new Oregon Trail game really sucks.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
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